from 6 Steps to Leading a Life of Integrity, Robert Taibbi, 2017
We either have it or we don’t, it seems, and we generally associate the word with those who seem to have a strong moral compass, clear and consistent principles, and a bold honesty about themselves. It is part of our character.
But integrity is actually more complex ; there’s another layer that often gets misunderstood or glossed over. The word is derived from the Latin word integritas which means whole or complete; it is related to integrate, or bringing together. This is the aspect I’m most intrigued by : Integrity as a psychological process, an integration of your outer life and inner life—two sides coming together, creating a whole, consistent you. In our society such integration can be hard to come by. Many people are disconnected from their true inner core, while somer of us rarely reveal it. Instead we slap on a social persona to carry us through our day, and over time this becomes more and more who we begin to believe we are.
Can we create this integration, and develop this integrity ? Can we reshape our lives to become like those people we admire and respect, who seem so authentic and honest ?
Step 1 : Discover our inner life
If integrity is about having our outer world truly reflect our inner world, the first step is taking the time and thought to drill down and explore and discover who we are: What is our unique inner being? What are the gifts that we alone possess that we can contribute to the world and those around us ? There are several steps to the discovery:
1. Find and define our sense of purpose.
The starting point to creating a life of integrity is to ask these questions about purpose and opportunity, and to keep them always simmering on the front burner of our life. Be willing to acknowledge and then explore our passions, callings, and motivations. Intentionally sort through and set priorities. Sit down with ourself and decide on the meaning of work and relationships for us rather than simply taking what we get.
2. Sort out shoulds and wants.
Asking these big questions sets the discovery process in motion, but now other psychological and emotional challenges may rear our heads. We may have trouble identifying what it is we truly feel; we are too inside our head.
Consider our heart: this is where passion and sense of purpose come from our wants and desires and bursts of excitement (rather than the staid shoulds). The move from shoulds to wants is a matter of literally rewiring our brain, changing where our information about us comes from. It requires that we keep your ear close to our heart, and then, take action.
That essential ingredient of integrity is to step away from the crowd and listen to your own inner voice.
3. Define our values and visions.
We have purpose and gut and heart—but this is not enough. The key here is our values. Like purpose, values too are to be discovered and evolve, but also like purpose, they require that we put them on the front burner, intentionally decide what it is we want those values and visions to be.
The challenge here is shaping blunt values into clear behavioral principles: Saying, for example, that family is important to us may be a value, but it is too slack, and doesn’t go far enough in giving us a clear path: What does it mean to us to truly value family? Where does family fit into the other priorities of our life? What does valuing family mean in terms of how we treat them, how we relate to them in the everyday?
After taking the time and having the courage to travel through the landscape of our inner self, we now face our second task in the process: Carrying it forward into our everyday outer life:
Step 2 : Have our outer life represent our inner life
In some ways, the psychological heavy lifting is done. Now it is about translation and application: How do we have our inner life reflect us ?
1. Make clear decisions.
Think of your inner life as the foundation on which you build your outer life. Build is the operative word, because it is about being intentional: Through the filter of your values, your sense of purpose, your gut instincts and desires you want to make clear decisions. That does not mean the decisions are easy: Do you take a less-stressful job so you have more time to spend with your kids, for example, or do you take a more stressful job but one that pays more and allows you to provide more opportunities for your kids, like a college education? Tough.
Again, sort through your priorities and vision. Take your time.
What you don’t want to do is drift, to not be intentional, or to let life and circumstance carry you along. Integrity requires that you avoid automatically falling into the easy or popular path.
2. Stay committed to what we believe.
This is about being aware and diligent, about checking in with ourself and asking, Am I living my life? Am I proud of my life so far measured by my goals and expectations? This is about having “the courage of our convictions” that people so often talk about—the willingness to step up and speak.
3. Stay open to change.
Keep our ear close to those inner voices, and when our inner life changes, as it probably will, take the time to sort and sift and see what to keep and what to let go. But then integrate, be bold, and bring this redefined version of us into our daily life. Acknowledging and adapting to change is what keeps our inner and outer lives in alignment.
Creating integrity is not a forced march through life, and it’s not about not being better, trying harder, and following yet another should. It’s about self-honesty and having the courage to hear and accept what our heart and life are telling us so that we can more fully become who we already are.
It’s about connecting ourselves to our true selves.